Same Day Test


It’s better not to know.

Because in a way, knowing you have a terminal disease is like already being dead. Your imagination is limited by your knowledge of the future. If you know the end of the tracks is coming, you don’t drive the train so fast.

I know there’s all these support groups but that feels like joining the living dead. If I was to go to them I would be spending my time thinking about sickness and talking about sickness and consoling sick people and going to funerals. I’d rather be out with the live ones, burning as brightly as I can before the end.

And maybe I’m negative and the test and everything would be a waste of time.

So I’m not doing it. I’ll just carry on. I’ll worry about having sex with someone else when it comes up.

I believe all this.